Unusually nonchalant

The blatant disregard

Frigid decorum

Conspicuous numbness....

Happiness smothered,

Sorrows withered,

Churns and pains surfeit

Crocheting emotional conceits

Chasms of grief

Is it a folly

To fight a losing battle

Isn't it a distaste

To give up in haste..

The defiant choice,

Called in the catastrophe

Emotions mortified

Values defunct...

Unusually nonchalant

.....

.....

.....

I finally did it... Last week around this time, I was driving home and it was pouring lightly... In the signal junction next to Bangalore Central, JP nagar, I was speeding at 30kmph and I did not bother to slow down as the lights on the signal post were "green". And there came this dude, aged about 40 or 45, on the bike, riding looking behind, with one hand on the handle and the other stylishly puffing cigar, no helmet, doing his hair every now and then and crossed my path. By the time I could digest the fact that he had actually dared to cross the main road when he was supposed to wait for the "green" signal, the damage was done. Yes, I went and hit him directly. He fell and there was a loud thud! I screamed sitting inside and when I opened my eyes, I did not find him or the bike.... And there he was literally running pushing his bike... It all happened in a matter of few seconds. I thought I had killed him. Well, my hands and legs were shivering and like it happens in the movies, it started to pour more heavily and the vehicles kept honking behind. I moved my car a little further and parked, got out to find that my front bumper had a dent and a cut too :'( It took me about half an hour to get to think that it was the biker's mistake - the reason why he ran as soon as he fell, and I could have claimed the damage charges.

Lesson learnt: Don't drive with a preoccupied mind and drive carefully when it rains!

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Watched ZNMD yesterday. Somehow, it did not stir emotions of the spectators(atleast for someone dumb like me:) ) and was quite a long watch. Storyline was impractical, non realistic though I'm sure many of us would've uttered "Wow, I wanna freak out too!!" . The songs were no good either! Liked the "fun" part of it. The funnier part was, I fell in the theatre :((( (still wondering how it happened!) May be it was the curse of the ophthalmologist I visited before that. There was about 45 min before the movie began. So, me and my friend visited the optho nearby, and registered for the eye test. I asked her as to how much time it'd take and she had said not more than half an hour. So, I decided I will take it, but then it got prolonged. I had to tell her that I was here for the movie and she gave me a "what the heck!!" look. She started one gyaan session telling that we not "waste" their time blah blah blah. I listened until I could and reminded her that it was she who had told me that it would get over in half an hour and she then 'seemed' to calm down.

Well, coming back to the movie, the take aways -

1. I loved Katrina riding the Bullet, which I dream to do someday!

2. Of course, the Greek God was at his best!

3. All those who are single, (by chance or by choice), enjoy maadi, until you meet someone like Hrithik or Katrina :P

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Going to be a vegetarian for the next 1 month. This seems to be a Herculian task. Anyway all the very best to me!!

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The aashada maasa comes to an end (the period during which I was free without having to see guys :) ). Now the torture begins again!! :(( May be its time for me to take my parents to ZMND! ;)

When following instincts;

That something casual,

Turned deep and intangible;

Like the fresh air amidst the green,

Like the feel of rain droplets on the skin;

The galore of sweet thoughts,

Reigned in the heart;

And there stood the monsterous fate,

Laughing cynically closing the gate;

To end it even before it could start,

With little or no chance to retort;

Finding the way back, turned around to gaze,

Found abandoned in the middle of a big beautiful maze;

Looking out for exit to get to,

In vain, had no luck hitherto....

TOTAL TIMEPASS:

This personality profile is based on the writing of Divya A L created at the website: Handwriting Wizard.com - Handwriting University's Official automated personality report creator based on standardized basic personality traits as taught through Handwriting University's Certification Level Program.

Divya is a very emotional person with a broad range of emotions from the highest highs to the lowest lows. She feels emotional situations very strongly. She'll flash to the very peaks of elation, sweeping everything before her. Then, for some reason unknown to herself, she will burn out emotionally. These mood swings can be very disturbing to her. Sometimes, she feels that she can no longer produce anything. But, after given some time alone to "recharge her emotional batteries", she will spring back into action.

Because Divya feels situations intensely, she relates easily to others' problems. If she is not careful, when she comes into contact with someone who is in a depressed frame of mind, she will also suffer the same emotions and change moods. Divya reacts impulsively, without much thought before hand. She may plan everything in detail before she even begins, then do it completely different when the time comes to carry it through.

Divya has the possibility of being a actor or natural born salesperson, simply because she relates so well to other people. She likes expressing how she feels, what she is doing, and what she plans to do. She is a people person.

She will work most efficiently in a people orientated job as opposed to a job working alone on an assembly line (that would drive her insane.)

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Divya doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Divya is sensitive to criticism about her ideas and philosophies. She will sometimes worry what people will think if she tells them what she believes in. This doesn't mean she won't talk, or that she feels ashamed. It merely means she is sensitive to what others think, regarding her beliefs.

Divya is talkative. She enjoys talking and socializing. She may talk when there is absolutely nothing important to say. She enjoys speaking.

Divya can be defiant. She sometimes has the attitude that if someone doesn't like it the way she is doing it, then they can just "go to hell!" This trait may reveal itself in a rebellious nature that is always ready to resist forces which she thinks are infringing upon her freedom of action.

In reference to Divya's mental abilities, she has a very investigating and creating mind. She investigates projects rapidly because she is curious about many things. She gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but she soon must slow down and look at all the angles. She probably gets too many things going at once. When Divya slows down, then she becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, she must slow down to do it. She then decides what projects she has time to finish. Thus she finishes at a slower pace than when she started the project.

She has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. Her mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. She can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. Divya can then switch into her low gear. When she is in the slower mode, she can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. She is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

Divya is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. she finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Divya basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

One way Divya punishes herself is self directed sarcasm. She is a very sarcastic person. Often this sarcasm and "sharp tongued" behavior is directed at herself.

Divya has a temper. She uses this as a defense mechanism when she doesn't understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around her.

Divya has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. People open up easily to her. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

To many of my colleagues, I appear to be a college student pursuing internship here. There have been numerous instances when they have come to me and told - "How did the interviews go?" , "have you been taken in?" "When is your joining date?" etc ... Today, there was another such instance... and I felt good about it, considering that I've been growing horizontally in the last couple of months....

AND THATS GODDAMN EMBARRASSING!!! :((((((( Why the hell does it happen ONLY with me and ALWAYS?? It could be an implication from my past life... :D

Msg 1 (Mom):

Pass this to your friends and see how many colors you get!!!

Red:you should improve your nature

Blue: You are different from others

Purple: I like when you tease me

Pink: You are so pretty and cute

Orange: I love you

Green: I really enjoy your company

Yellow: You are my best friend

Black: You are selfish

Violet: Its fun to fight with you

Brown: I can't understand your nature

White: Naughty

Now reply - which color for me?

My reply:

Orange

Msg 2: Send same message to me. I am like your friend know.

My Reply: Re-sent msg 1 to her (Neatly following step-by-step procedure)

Msg 3: Yellow Green Orange. I sent 3 colors. You sent only one.

Me reply:"Now reply - which color for me?" I did not know I can send more than 1 color!

Msg 4: Its ok. You did not read first line which tells "colors". Anyway there is little red for you. That you must control your anger!

I stopped replying

Msg 5: The only drawback is your anger. If you have to control that you must do yoga.

Msg 6: Blue - be different not indifferent. Purple - Tease me in limits. (I wonder what she will do if she reads this post ;) )

Msg 7: Brown - I can't understand why you cant pick one "good" guy and get married.

Msg 8: Also violet. You must speak politely. Otherwise it will be like a fight only! Only I can tolerate that. Nobody else will. I know your intentions are good, but the way you speak is not proper. Fine tune that.

After 8 messages, they stopped.

I finally replied: White and pink are pending still.

Msg 9: Pink you are. I don't like to tell it out. White - you are silent now a days. You should talk, fight, pull legs and be naughty.

My reply: ??!!!????!!!!

Her message 9 contradicted all her previous messages.

1. Met up with an old friend (ex colleague) of mine and tried my hands on Mrudangam... she said it was for "energetic" people by looking at my pathetic attempts of trying to get some "real" sound out of it. She seems more like an older sister to me, caring, supportive, welcoming and just so close to heart!

2. Met up with a pretty new friend (ex colleague). A nice company to be with, intellectual and has a great sense of humor! Oh, I just realized, I cannot, not only talk my mind out to this person but also write about it. Have not been able to tell/ask something since long. Why - Don't know!

3. Met up with a not so old friend (ex colleague) of mine who was vacating out of Bangalore at the old friend's place in 1. Though we don't speak much or hardly chat or talk, we feel we know each other so well! (Today, I bought a book(PS I Love You) to gift her and she gifted me a book(Only Time will tell) too :))

4. Went out for shopping with friend in 3 to kormangla...

5. And I was driving almost the entire day! ITS DEFINITELY SICKENING! Have a bad head ache already!

6. A very old friend of mine called up as soon as I was back home! (a 12th classmate and an ex-colleague) I was totally surprised! We were out of touch almost since 3 years (not even on FB) and suddenly this call!

It indeed feels really good when someone remembers you as more than just another "ex colleague or a classmate" :)

Not getting any sleep!

I wouldn't say its a "must read", nevertheless, the book has in store for us, a new dimension to life and meaning of our existence. Well, it talks of philosophy to a little extent, but largely is presented as a "proof based theory" for the existence of life or lives before and after death. Based on a true story of the author, Dr Brain L Weiss, who is by profession a 'very rational Psychiatrist', (his education and professional background prove to be worthy of considering him so), and his patient Catherine, the book attempts at making the God-believers strengthen their faith in Him, and the atheists to at least ponder over on the possibility of a super nature.

He records and pens down the words of his patient Catherine, whose psychic disorder stems from several displeasing, horrific experiences, covetous acts in her previous births. The doctor ends up uncovering her past life stories when he takes her through a series of hypnosis sessions, a last resort, after all his traditional treatment fails to cure Catherine.

The after-death experience is the highlight of this read. What Catherine revealed was found to be true with many other people who had had a near-death experience. (I guess the Hindu scripture 'Garuda Purana' also has a theory on similar lines).

According to Catherine's revelation of her past lives, one can deduce the following:

1. That people close to us in the current life have some kind of implication in their past. The implication could be as close as being with the same person in the same role as well. (For instance, one's mother in this life would be his/her close relative in their past life)

2. The concept of kharmas being carried from one life time to another 'seems' "real". (Similar to what Hinduism believes in)

3.There are several GODs (or Masters or caretakers) who keep guiding us throughout. (Remember the fairies??)

4. We tend to carry the knowledge and memories of our past lives (reflects as dreams or real incidents) and sometimes even derive the skill sets from them. In Catherine's case, she understood the Roman artifacts very well, though in her current lifetime she never had a "learned" knowledge about it.

5. Every life is a learning and as we learn we gain knowledge and move up the different levels in the "spiritual planes" to become one with the God! (This wasn't convincing enough for me! Sounded complicated than rocket science :) )

The Catherine's recordings are now being used by many researchers who are on exploration of super-nature.

Well, though not completely convincing, its definitely a good starter to explore God!

Finally, what left me wondering was why Catherine always took a human form in all her past lives, and if all that theory held good even for other forms of life on this planet!!